It struck me, following a conversation with my Mum, that for many older people, the world slowly but steadily contracts. Shrinking in line with any loss of confidence in their ability to travel. Public transport can be daunting, particularly if they are less mobile than they used to be or hard of hearing. Driving may no longer be an option and so they are restricted to organised tours or to travelling with family. This does in some part explain to me the popularity of cruise ships and Saga tours.
I realised in the autumn of 2019 that my parents had not been away on holiday, apart from a couple of overnight breaks or day trips. I decided I would take it up with them during my next visit and remedy this, identifying a suitable location, and helping them to book the break. However, it transpired, to my surprise that they did not want to fly abroad, with all the stress this might involve, to a place too hot, or wet, or cold for them and tackle a range of possible issues they do not have the energy to deal with. They no longer want to leave the country and are really happy with shorter breaks, where someone else organises them and they simply turn up and enjoy themselves.
A trip to a Christmas Markets was something they used to enjoy and so I suggested the three of us took a long weekend to go to a Christmas Market of their choice. I had originally anticipated we would be looking at somewhere like Cologne or Vienna however, post Mum conversation, I realised it might be a little closer to home. It transpired that Lincoln was their destination of choice and so we set off in early December for a couple of nights in a lovely Airbnb situated close to the Cathedral Quarter of Lincoln.
We have not travelled together for some time and I was unprepared for the impact, a heart attack in one and a new hip in the other, has had on their confidence and mobility. They are both quite stoical and get on with life, which means the day-to-day struggles they face are largely not discussed in anything other than general terms. It is only after spending 3 days cheek by jowl with them, that I can see getting old is not for wimps, it’s tough, but the other option is still worse…
Age/infirmity however, is not the only thing that makes them less than easy to travel with. I had forgotten their incompatibility in many areas, which can result in some interesting exchanges, for example my Dad’s idea of heaven is a long and detailed poke around an old church or cathedral, which will amuse Mum for approximately 15 – 20 minutes (I still smile at the memory of her statement 15 minutes in to an Egyptian exhibition at the Metropolitan Museum in New York “once you’ve seen one sarcophagus, you’ve kind of seen them all”). My Mum, on the other hand, is a shopper of remarkable stamina, something my Dad finds rather dull, unless it’s food shopping. He loves a local food market and yes, you’ve guessed it, my Mum is less enthusiastic. Compromises are made, but usually not until there has been a lively discussion of all the pros & cons.
So it was with some trepidation, definitely on my part and probably on theirs, that we set forth for Lincoln. The journey there was interesting. Dad settled himself in the back seat with his road atlas and a copy of a newspaper I cannot abide. He kept himself amused initially with newspaper, reading out sections which particularly amused him, until I pointed out to him this was, for me, a form of torture. He then turned to the road atlas and questioning the route the Sat Nav had selected, wondering aloud whether it would take us via Kings Lynn or its bypass, or indeed by some other, not to be trusted, route. Mum, who was in the front seat, is not a great passenger, suffering from car sickness unless driving. Two hours into the trip, after an unusual period of silence, she announced she thought she was going to be sick. We decided a pit stop was needed and pulled over into a conveniently located McDonalds, so that Mum could stretch her legs and regain her equilibrium, while we grabbed a coffee and had a loo break. After a couple of laps of the car park, it transpired Mum might actually just be hungry and after consuming a Big Mac, fries and a cup of tea, she declared herself fit to travel. So, if you ever feel queasy, you not what to turn to.
The rest of the trip was delightfully uneventful, much to Dad’s surprise, the Sat Nav got us to our destination without incident and Lincoln was a bit of a revelation. Good restaurants, fabulous cathedral and castle quarter and a sizeable Christmas Market, so everyone was happy. A lasting memory is of my Dad downing three free shots of caramel vodka offered to us by the owner of the great tapas restaurant we ate at on the first night – this is the man who rarely has more than the odd pint! He apparently had less hip pain that evening, funny old world.
It was lovely to spend time with my parents on our own, without the competing demands of other family members, but it was an eye opener for me, as to what possibly lies ahead with the advancing of years. Who knew getting one’s socks on without incident, would become something of a daily achievement. I take my hat off to all those in the later stages of their lives and hope I have the strength of character to negotiate it with stoicism and dignity, only time will tell.
